Archery Musings

A train station, somewhere in Italy.

La Alhambra at night. So lovely.

One of my absolute favorite pics from the spring break trip. In the gardens of el Alcazar.

I spent nearly all day today at the Oxford-Cambridge Archery Varsity Match. Arrived early in the morning to help set up the field, ran back and forth between the match and basketball practice (as well as a friend's play performance) to watch the team shoot, and had formal hall in Christ Church (the Harry Potter dining hall! :P).

Two things I realized about myself that I don't really like:

1. I'm pretty awkward in social situations. Unless I feel completely comfortable, which is probably only in my Christian fellowship at Yale and among my group of close high school friends (and family, of course), I'm so awkward. Some people have a certain knack of communicating and relating to others - they're funny, never at a loss of something to say, put others at ease, and can reach greater depths of conversation. I really wish I could develop those skills, those traits. Although I love archery, I don't know many of the people in the archery company that well, and many times today I stood around (yes, awkwardly) without doing anything or talking to anyone. Sigh. I think it takes courage and a certain self-confidence to reach out there and be friendly, be outgoing. I often lack that courage and self-confidence, because most of the time it's easier not to take that risk. When will I throw off this suffocating blanket of fear and be more comfortable in my own skin? I don't know.

2. I am strangely really attracted to skill. Let me clarify - I've noticed that whenever I see or meet people who are really skilled at something (whether singing, playing an instrument, playing a sport, etc.), the fact that they are that skilled makes them instantly much more attractive in my eyes. Obviously, I'm also referring to the male half of the human species here. Maybe it's because I really wish I could be as skilled as that person. Maybe strength or dexterity or musical talent or athleticism are simply really cool traits. I don't know why I'm like this - but sometimes I worry that this tendency of mine leads to unnecessary admiration... which isn't helpful at all.

Ugh.. I would almost rather not post these thoughts, but I've decided to try to be open about myself. So there you go.